At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
