I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
