Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your cock deserves a montage
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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