This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I could make wine with my vomit
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
