I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
