Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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