I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
