Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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