You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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