then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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