just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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