I wish my penis had an off switch
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
