Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
