Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
