Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
