It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
