Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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