Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
