Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
