so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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