The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
