Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
