Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So here I am, sexting at work.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
