Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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