After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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