I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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