I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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