I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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