i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
