Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize