He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
