is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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