I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
