I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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