The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
