That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
