Your tits are I can't wait for
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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