she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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