hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my poor anus
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
