Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
