Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize