Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
