Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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