Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
