I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
