We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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