five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
