I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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