Got a toothbrush?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found puke in my bra..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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