how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize