You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
