There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
