I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this boner is exhausting
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
