I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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