Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize