We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
