yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
