okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
