I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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