Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
