he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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