What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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