I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
