The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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