she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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