I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
