yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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