Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
