Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
