He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
