I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
