In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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