something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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