is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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